Chances Are You've Spent Years Trying to Manage Your Anxiety on Your Own. Why Change Course Now?
True enough, you've gotten this far without help, why stop and take inventory and change directions now? The thing is, it's more likely than not that your anxiety has not only gotten worse over the years, but has continued to cost you dearly across multiple areas of your life. Maybe you think you've managed to outrun it. Up until now.
When is it Time to Take Anxiety Seriously?
When anxiety is running the show, when anxiety is running you, then it's time to take a new look at your approach. It's time to reassess. Time to call it to a halt and take charge. Time to move towards freedom and away from anxiety, panic, overwhelm, guilt, shame, and perfectionism. You don't have to live with anxiety and worry, racing thoughts, sleep disruption, and a feeling you can never really catch your breath and catch up. You don't have to do this by yourself, even if you're used to handling most things on your own. Alone.
Exhaustion. Are You Exhausted With the Way You Are Living Your Life?
I work with Anxious Folk every day in my Santa Ana/Tustin and Newport Beach offices. Here's what I can tell you: the folks who show up here are showing up absolutely exhausted. Exhausted with trying to manage their anxiety. Exhausted with trying to keep their stress, anxiety, and feelings under wraps. Exhausted with working to maintain a facade of "I've got it ALL under control over here! No help needed!" Tired to death with taking care of others at their own expense and yet often not really knowing another way to live.
Anxiety is exhausting, first and foremost. Your body wasn't designed for the world you're living in and it certainly wasn't designed to exist in a continual state of Fight, Flight, or Freeze. That stuff runs on a lot of adrenaline and other nasty stress hormones. Hormones that were designed to get you Out of Dodge Fast when there's real danger, but just run havoc in your nervous system when they show up for no real reason. Your natural survival hormones and the chemical cascade of panic can either save your life when you're in a jam and on the run from a big predator or literally put you in an early grave.
Anxiety is exhausting, first and foremost. Your body wasn't designed for the world you're living in and it certainly wasn't designed to exist in a continual state of Fight, Flight, or Freeze. That stuff runs on a lot of adrenaline and other nasty stress hormones. Hormones that were designed to get you Out of Dodge Fast when there's real danger, but just run havoc in your nervous system when they show up for no real reason. Your natural survival hormones and the chemical cascade of panic can either save your life when you're in a jam and on the run from a big predator or literally put you in an early grave.
Perfectionism. The Big Lie You've Been Telling Yourself.
A lot of Anxious Folk work themselves ragged and are on the go non-stop. We put the A in Type A Personality. When Anxious Folk slow down, they start to feel their feelings more. And when we're bent on outrunning our thoughts and feelings, we have to run damned FAST! So, Anxious Folk make a habit out of being busy, competent, and on call.
Or we're incapable of slowing down and resting at all. Can't. Sit. Still. Most Anxious Folk are merciless in the ways they drive themselves. Our striving for perfectionism is the currency that allows us to feel half-way okay with ourselves. The problem is, Perfectionism pays very poor dividends. Not only is it unhealthy, Perfectionism is an unkind way to treat ourselves. Perfection simply doesn't exist. I think it could and should be classified as a form of torture. True story. Really, Perfectionism is just our Great Big Ol' Mean Mommy Critical Internal Voice having another go at us. We can never be good enough!
Or we're incapable of slowing down and resting at all. Can't. Sit. Still. Most Anxious Folk are merciless in the ways they drive themselves. Our striving for perfectionism is the currency that allows us to feel half-way okay with ourselves. The problem is, Perfectionism pays very poor dividends. Not only is it unhealthy, Perfectionism is an unkind way to treat ourselves. Perfection simply doesn't exist. I think it could and should be classified as a form of torture. True story. Really, Perfectionism is just our Great Big Ol' Mean Mommy Critical Internal Voice having another go at us. We can never be good enough!
Relationships. Your Anxiety Can Run Your Relationships Right Off The Road.
Sad but true, your anxious experience can take a huge toll on your most cherished relationships. Our anxious energy can have us pretty wound up. It's not always fun to be around Anxious Folk when they're running in their hamster wheels of worry, control, and general edginess. It takes a toll!
No one enjoys being managed. And here's the thing, Anxious Folk are great care-takers and managers. Some of us can come off as a bit, um, controlling. It's our thing. We know how to take care of people. Even when they don't want to be taken care of. It's one of the ways we make sure everything is running smoothly in our world.
One thing a lot of Anxious Folk feel pretty comfortable with is the idea that the world would be better off if they were in charge! Sometimes we just can't relax on the inside until we're sure the our outside world is in order. This includes kitchen counters, piles of laundry, and the way the people in our orbit are relating and not relating with each other. It may not be an ecological use of our energy, but Anxious Folk will expend a good deal of time, thought, and life force making sure everything is alright.
When Anxious Folk are in Full Anxious Swing, then we can be highly invested in making sure things are Right. And Safe. And predictable. Some of the Anxious Folk I work with have a hard time allowing themselves to recreate. Or chill. Or take a vacation. Or board an airplane. Invariably, they've paired themselves with someone who is more laid back. So, what was meant to be a nice counter balance morphs into relational conflict. Lovers who feel hemmed in. Children who won't return your calls. Friends who feel they're getting more advice than they want. Chaos in LoveLand!
No one enjoys being managed. And here's the thing, Anxious Folk are great care-takers and managers. Some of us can come off as a bit, um, controlling. It's our thing. We know how to take care of people. Even when they don't want to be taken care of. It's one of the ways we make sure everything is running smoothly in our world.
One thing a lot of Anxious Folk feel pretty comfortable with is the idea that the world would be better off if they were in charge! Sometimes we just can't relax on the inside until we're sure the our outside world is in order. This includes kitchen counters, piles of laundry, and the way the people in our orbit are relating and not relating with each other. It may not be an ecological use of our energy, but Anxious Folk will expend a good deal of time, thought, and life force making sure everything is alright.
When Anxious Folk are in Full Anxious Swing, then we can be highly invested in making sure things are Right. And Safe. And predictable. Some of the Anxious Folk I work with have a hard time allowing themselves to recreate. Or chill. Or take a vacation. Or board an airplane. Invariably, they've paired themselves with someone who is more laid back. So, what was meant to be a nice counter balance morphs into relational conflict. Lovers who feel hemmed in. Children who won't return your calls. Friends who feel they're getting more advice than they want. Chaos in LoveLand!
If you're Exhausted With "Doing," Over-Thinking, Perfectionism, and Your Relationships Are Out of Sync, it May be Time to Rewind and Reconnect to Your Own Inner Balance.
There are times in our lives, particularly when we are dealing with the thorny nature of anxious experience, when it can be a real boon to have expert help on hand. After all, you've tried to rein in your overwhelming anxiety on your own for some time now and it hasn't worked well enough to get you back on track.
It Takes More Than Will Power and Self-Help Books.
Wrestling your anxiety into submission and getting your life back requires more than will power. More than stern resolve. More than criticizing yourself back into line. It takes more than a few more drinks, or a bowl to put you to sleep at night. It takes more than just doing everything in your life a little bit better so you can finally chill the hell out. Just a little.
I should know. I work with Anxious Folk every day in my two Orange County offices. In fact, it is my specialty. I know anxiety from the inside out, if you get my drift. And here's what I've learned from the hundreds of Anxious Folk I've worked with over the years: healing anxious experience requires support, know-how, and more than a good insight-oriented talk therapy. In my opinion reducing overwhelming anxiety requires getting in there and working with your nervous system (I use body-oriented psychotherapy techniques including Somatic Experiencing--you'll love it), cleaning out some of the thought cobwebs, getting some good solid boundaries in place, and learning forms of deep self-care that go way beyond a few minutes at the gym and a glass of wine.
I should know. I work with Anxious Folk every day in my two Orange County offices. In fact, it is my specialty. I know anxiety from the inside out, if you get my drift. And here's what I've learned from the hundreds of Anxious Folk I've worked with over the years: healing anxious experience requires support, know-how, and more than a good insight-oriented talk therapy. In my opinion reducing overwhelming anxiety requires getting in there and working with your nervous system (I use body-oriented psychotherapy techniques including Somatic Experiencing--you'll love it), cleaning out some of the thought cobwebs, getting some good solid boundaries in place, and learning forms of deep self-care that go way beyond a few minutes at the gym and a glass of wine.
You Need To Know, it Will Take Some Time.
Your anxious coping strategies and habits were developed over the course of a lifetime. They served you well, right up to the time they didn't serve you at all. It will take a little time to unravel those habits, smooth out the kinks in the nervous system, and get ticking along smoothly. Time and time again, my client's tell me it is time well-invested. If you're interested in learning more about winding down your anxiety and getting set to move forward, I'd love to speak with you. Give me a call. It's time.
VICTORIA WALLACE SCHLICHT, MA, LMFT, SEP
3300 Irvine Ave., Ste. 111, Newport Beach, CA 92660
2030 East 4rth Street, Ste. 111 Santa Ana, CA 92705
In the beautiful Cabrillo Park area
[email protected]
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714.914.5565
"I help people who feel bad feel better."
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