Anxiety? Just Stop It, Already!

Every Day I Work With Anxious Folks About The Issue Of Their Anxious Thoughts.

Is there a way to just toss your anxious thoughts aside? Put a stop to it? Pull the plug on your anxiety? It's not really that easy, is it? I mean, have you ever had any luck just stopping your thoughts? Any of your thoughts?

It's not as if you can just decide to stop being anxious or stop thinking anxious thoughts. As much as we may want that to be true. At least, I've never experienced "Stop it!" therapy as having much value or effectiveness, although Bob Newhart did get a lot of mileage out of it in his famous skit.

Almost every anxious client I work with would like their anxiety to end now! Immediately. During the first visit, if possible. Of course. This makes perfect sense. The experience of high anxiety or panic attack is so very uncomfortable. Plus, your anxiety is nothing if it isn't impatient. The thing is, reducing your anxiety is a process and it's a process that has value. Working through your anxious experience will reduce your overwhelming anxiety and it will do so much more.

Reducing Worry Takes More Than Simple Willpower.

Attempting to use our willpower, alone, to stop anxious thoughts simply doesn't work. If anything, it just makes it worse. When strong-minded, intelligent, problem-solving oriented people focus their considerable willpower on stopping an anxious thought they are going to hit a wall. Smack! It can be an alarming sensation to feel you have no sense of control over yourself and your experience of the world. Especially if one thing you really value is your sense of self control. And I'll just say it now--us Anxious Folk love the idea of absolute self-control! Or just control in general. Uh-huh! The desire for control is not only our addiction, it is our Kryptonite!

Reducing Overwhelming Anxiety Requires More Than Reading A Great Self Help Book.

Don't get me wrong. I love books. I consume a lot of written material, myself, and am consistently referring my clients to books. The thing is, you can read all the books, but without personalized, knowledgeable mentorship and guidance it can be next to impossible to create lasting change through a self-help book. 

There are some great books out there, though, and they serve as wonderful educational tools and a great jumping off point for heading out on your own healing journey. Make sure to test drive a couple.

Reducing Anxiety Takes Time.

And focus. And work. Yeah, as much as I know we would like to believe otherwise, reducing our anxious experience and working through the issue of anxiety takes work. Work, focus, time, and lots of good tools. It's not the kind of work you can delegate to someone else, either. No one can do it for you. Or to you. Not even your therapist (sigh!), even while a good therapist is an invaluable guide and mentor along the way.

This is actually a good thing.

A really good thing. A great thing. True story. I love doing the work of sorting through and defusing anxious experience with my clients. Why? Because it is such a rewarding path of self discovery. In the process of unwinding our anxious experience we will inevitably discover the Secrets of the Universe.

Or come close.

You'll rediscover yourself. Sort out your passions. Create better relationships. And new relationships. Try new things. Learn to say 'No.' Maybe for the first time. Learn to say 'Yes!' to the things that matter most for you. And to new things. Good things. Start to experiment with new freedom. Less self-judgement. Less judgement of others. Stop feeling victimized, resentful, and martyred. Stop beating yourself up. Whoa! Yes, it really can be a whole new world.

Oh! and reduce the awful impact of overwhelming anxiety and the misery that comes with it.

So, No, It isn't Possible to Just Toss Your Worries Aside.  Not Instantly. Not Even With Your Great Willpower.

It takes time. And patience. And dogged determination. And acquiring new skills and new ways of working through your thoughts and experiences. And that's okay. That's perfect. It's okay because anything that has value takes some time to create. Besides, Anxious Folk have pushed through for a long long time. It's an anxious value--"I keep going, no matter how I feel!" All these years we've been pushing through our anxiety. Forcing ourselves forward. Gritting our teeth, enduring. After awhile it backfires on us. We end up overwhelmed or consumed by panic.

Eventually we need another way. A more gentle, methodical, self-compassionate approach. No more berating and shaming ourselves. No more merely pushing through it without actually addressing it. This is the gift a good course of therapy can bestow.

There's more freedom on the other side of your anxiety. With support, you can learn to swim through your anxiety to the other side. To life.