Boundary Issues & Anxiety

How Online Therapy Helps High-Functioning Adults Set Healthy Limits

Key takeaway: Anxious overfunctioning often leads to poor boundaries, resentment, and burnout. Learn how anxiety-driven people-pleasing develops—and how clear boundaries can reduce stress, restore balance, and support authentic connection.

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Healthy boundaries: your best tool for anxiety relief

You've heard about boundaries, right? I mean, we are always talking about boundaries, but I'm not too sure we understand the term fully. Or its power to create better and more fulfilling friendships and relationships. Good boundaries hold the power to improve our lives across the board. Or to herald a better and deeper understanding of ourselves, our own preferences, needs, and dreams. Experience life with more ease and less anxiety.

Why boundaries fuel personal growth

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Essentially, boundaries are how we train ourselves and others about how to behave. Boundaries allow us to build more satisfying relationships and even to stay in healthier relationships with some of the most difficult people we love. Boundaries create safety and greater satisfaction in our relationships.

Boundaries allow us to feel less chaotic, less stressed, less overburdened, and less alone. Boundaries are how we teach ourselves and others, "This far and no further." It's how we establish our limits and our preferences. Ultimately, boundaries are the Gold Standard in both self-care and in cultivating our self awareness regarding our own behaviors in interactions with others. Good boundaries allow our relationships to be more enjoyable and far less exhausting. Engaging in relationships becomes energetically sustainable again.

Learning to say “No” without guilt

I often teach clients about boundaries, saying, "Good fences make good neighbors." No, we don't want to wall ourselves off from others, but we do want to create healthy expectations and learn a healthy "No" or "That's enough." response when appropriate. We want to understand and have our associates understand the manner in which we want to be spoken to or treated. How much emotional and physical space we require? What is appropriate to request and expect from us in terms of help, support, a listening ear, and tolerance for poor behavior?

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When childhood coping becomes adult people-pleasing

Often, due to the way we were raised or the experiences we have had in life, we don't know ourselves well enough to know what we need. Or we feel what we need is to make sure everyone around us is happy and everyone around us is pleased by our behavior and responses. We have not only lost track our needs, but our needs consistently take a back seat to the needs of others. It can feel like this is actually the way it is supposed to be. It may feel like it has always been this way.

In truth, for many of us, this has been the way it's been since we were toddlers. Sometimes, our chaotic or painful family systems felt like they required us to feel into the needs of the adults around us and do what we could to meet those needs. It makes sense. It's a safety first issue of survival and the highly intelligent or emotionally intelligent child is going to sense this and act on it. Good thing, too. These anxious coping strategies can serve us well in childhood and bring us through safely to the other side. The thing is those brilliant strategies of childhood do not serve us near as well as adults.

From caring to over-giving: anxiety’s hidden cost

Based on our experiences, over the years we may have morphed into people pleasers. People pleasing always arises from our anxious coping strategies. It helps us feel accepted. And safe. Especially safe. We developed the people pleasing habit to keep ourselves safe. And valued. This results in our not knowing what our needs are, where we end and the next person begins. It's nearly impossible to set healthy boundaries when we don't know our own needs. We may not even know what we prefer or how to make decisions that are self-valuing. As a result we can end up feeling inauthentic, unknown and unseen, and perpetually overextended, exhausted, and resentful. It's not a lot of fun. Sometimes it can mean we're not a lot of fun to be around, either.

Stay in your lane: boundaries for less stress & more energy

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Our unconscious boundaries and lack of boundaries are a huge personal development challenge. For ourselves, we need to understand what's our business and what's not. Just because we care about someone or have an opinion about them, their lives, and what we think they think of us or expect from us, doesn't mean any of that is actually our business. Or our job. 

As an individual, your job is to know and understand yourself. Know, understand yourself and what you need in life and how to fulfill those needs in a healthy manner. It's actually not your role--not your healthiest role--to be a caretaker for everyone around you. It's not your job to know what everyone else needs and make sure you make that happen for them. That's their job. That's their personal work and area of personal growth. Get out of the way and let them have at it.

Boundary Work = burnout prevention for busy professionals

When we are trapped in our anxious experience of ourselves, it can feel like we have to act. There is no choice. That is your anxious mind lying to you, right there.

Doing the work of learning how to establish healthy, functional boundaries is a huge stress reliever. Everything in life will feel easier and more fulfilling, particularly your relationships, when you have established and are maintaining good boundaries. Life gets easier.

Better relationships start with better limits

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The truth is, moving through this deep personal work, the hard work of boundaries, most often requires the support and mentoring of a trained helper. Our weak and permeable boundaries are so close to the core of who we perceive ourselves to be that it can be impossible to notice the issue on our own, let alone effectively address it.

When we stop overextending ourselves in our relationships, at home, in our friendships, and in our business relationships, then work and relationships become more satisfying, less exhausting, and less burdensome. Life feels immeasurably lighter—in your heart, in your mind, and in your body. When everyone takes care of themselves, gives and receives support relatively equally, then we are all more satisfied in life. Relationships become more enjoyable and much less stressful over time. We can learn boundaries and learn to be happier.

Online therapy in California: master boundaries from home

Happiness is definitely the learning curve we want to be climbing, isn't it? Fortunately, help is available. You can access online anxiety therapy from anywhere in California. Ready to turn stress into spaciousness?

Book a free 15-minute video consult and learn how online therapy can help you build rock-solid boundaries—no commute required.

I help people who feel bad feel better. Let’s talk. Learn about online anxiety therapy in California.

7 Ways Therapy Can Grow Your Wealth and Well-Being

Key Takeaway: Explore how therapy with a skilled LMFT can support anxiety relief, self-worth, and better decision-making—leading to greater emotional and financial health.

Originally published January 2019. Updated July 2025 to include new insights on adaptability and online therapy.

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Therapy is an investment—here’s why the ROI is real

Sometimes we know we could use extra help and support, such as the support found in a good therapeutic relationship, but we find ourselves tripping over the cost of therapy. Good therapy, after all, isn't typically cheap therapy. Why? Because a good and seasoned therapist hasn't only spent years training for and working in their profession, but has invested time and treasure in the cultivation of their interests and therapeutic specialties through post-masters training. Ongoing training and development. Sometimes for years. A confident and experienced therapist feels comfortable setting and holding to their fee. In demonstrating their own self-valuing, they actually model self-valuing to you.

When you engage with a highly trained therapist, you are investing in yourself. In your future. In your relationships. And, yes, you are investing in building a brighter financial future as well.

1. Therapy pays dividends you can spend—and feel

It's true. Therapy can pay dividends. Working with your therapist can take your lead and transform it into gold. But how is this alchemy created?

2. Better self-knowledge, better relationships

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One of the first things you'll notice in the course of your therapy is you are beginning to cultivate a new relationship to yourself. Through a series of therapeutic conversations, you will begin to articulate your feelings and beliefs more clearly. Sometimes for the first time.

You'll get a better sense of what makes you tick, what triggers you into reactivity or sadness, what motivates you. As a result, you'll develop a new, clearer view of yourself, as well as a different way of making decisions and responding to people and external situations. You become a better listener and a better communicator. More observant of yourself. More observant of others. More psychologically aware. More perceptive.

As you begin to understand yourself better, your relationships begin to improve. Over time. With work and attention your interactions can become easier and more productive.

3. Boundaries prevent burnout and money leaks

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Boundaries are the habits we use to manage our relationships and set the standard for how we treat ourselves and others. Boundaries determine how satisfactory a relationship is. How much appropriate give and take there is. If you've been exposed to therapy at all, then your therapist has undoubtedly held forth on boundaries. Often. It's our thing. Why? Because good boundaries make lives work smoothly.

Therapists coach clients about boundaries, because boundaries are important. In fact, good boundaries may be the hardest and most productive work we do in therapy. Boundaries determine how happy you are in your friendships and relationships. Boundaries are the tools we use to train ourselves and others about how we want to be treated. When we have good boundaries in place, we tend to feel more fulfilled, are less likely to feel exhausted, resentful, or burned out. We've found healthy ways to set guidelines around what we take on, how much time we spend with certain folks, and how and where we use our energy most happily and effectively.

When we learn the art of being able to say 'no' effectively and appropriately, we will have more time, attention, energy, and creativity available to say 'yes' to living our lives more fully. It's a win win.

4. Less impulsivity, fewer expensive mistakes

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Do you know what I mean? Impulsivity. It isn't everyone's problem, but if it is your problem it can really cause some big headaches. Impulsivity is when we act without considering the consequences. We act rashly and without thinking. Without reflecting on the true potential outcome of our decisions. Impulsivity can become very expensive in all the ways that matter. We can end up in legal trouble, financial trouble, out of work, crashing our cars or our businesses, hijacking our most important relationships, or getting married in Vegas by Elvis. When Impulsivity is running the show things get chaotic. There are messes to clean up later. Therapy can help you reduce your impulsivity. You can slow the roll, still have fun, and make decisions with your eyes wide open.

5. Higher self-esteem raises your earning ceiling

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Sometimes, we don't think much of ourselves. Sometimes we don't think much of ourselves, even when we are getting lots of good feedback and strokes. Worse than that, we can't see ourselves in a way that shines a light on our strengths and inherent value. Our lack of self-esteem may arise from poor decisions or struggles we're having, but typically, low self-esteem will have its roots in our family home and the degrees to which we felt loved, accepted and valued. Our parents aren't always up to the task. They aren't always capable of loving us in the way we want or need to feel loved. As a result, we can end up not feeling lovable. Or valued. Or cherished. Trauma can do it, too. Damage our sense of self and wholeness. One way or another, we can end up feeling like shit. If our self-esteem is low enough, we won't feel we are deserving of any of the good things in life. It can all feel out of reach or not for us.

Exploring our sense of self, building or rebuilding our caring and valuing of ourselves, yields real gold. We can start creating a life we want, be more open to loving relationships with caring people, make changes in our career paths and jobs, move towards the life we desire.

6. Clearer thinking leads to smarter financial choices

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As you begin to know yourself on a deeper level, invest in better relationships, build those important and yet tricky boundaries, reduce your reactivity, increase your mindfulness in life, you'll naturally begin making better and more well-informed decisions all around. You'll be less likely to be driven by the external, by the expectations and judgements of others, by over-compensating for feeling unworthy or down on yourself and act and make decisions from a position of inner strength.

7. Flexibility lets you profit from change

Rapid change is the new normal—whether it’s AI reshaping a profession or a recession tightening budgets. The people most likely to thrive are the ones whose nervous systems can pivot, not panic. Therapy builds that capacity. With greater self-awareness, real-time emotional regulation, and trust in your own judgment, you become less reactive and more responsive. Decisions become strategic instead of knee-jerk, positioning you to spot opportunities, handle setbacks, and keep your life, career—and finances—moving forward.

Therapy, like wealth-building, takes time—and compounds like interest

Change and personal development, coming to terms with life's disappointments and losses, cultivating more compassion for yourself and others, reducing your anxiety and healing your sense of self takes time. Developing a greater sense of mastery in life takes time. It does. But just like compound interest it starts yielding benefits right away. Benefits that compound and grow over time to create wealth. The kind of wealth that fills you up on the inside and can help create the added financial income you're looking for as you move through life and work in a more fluid and productive manner. 

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Therapy is an investment in your life

When we feel better, we do better. We do better at understanding and motivating ourselves. We do better at building and maintaining relationships of all kinds. We do better at prioritizing our time and energy by setting solid and consistent boundaries. We feel more motivated. We do better at self-monitoring and being mindful in our decisions and deals. We do better at honoring our commitments to ourselves and others. Ultimately, we do better at life. We experience an enhanced sense of freedom. And that's a big pay off.

If you’re ready to up your game and increase your well-being, consider investing in yourself and your future. Call me.

I help people who feel bad feel better. Let’s talk. Learn about online anxiety therapy in California.